A daughter arrives, and then departs

Posted by Anura Samara, 12 December 2014

Catherine’s visit is over.

Although she’s an adult now, and I had travelled independently at a much younger age, I was still worried about her as she travelled from Canberra to Geneva. Each connection offers an opportunity for something to go wrong, even more so when it’s outside Australia and it’s much harder to make contact. Worried and nervous. I guess this just shows that, no matter how old your children are, you still worry about them. Living on the other side of the world doesn’t really change that.

The strange thing about her visit was having her in our space. Our home in Calwell has been the family home for all three children and each of them is always welcome there at any time. But in Geneva, we have carved out our own space – it’s not just the apartment, but our daily routines, our friends, where we shop etc. So it initially felt strange to welcome Catherine into a home that has never been hers.

The other weird thing is that it’s been a long time since I have lived with her. She moved out of home while I was away in Geneva previously so it must 3-4 years since we’ve lived together under the same roof.

Admittedly, it took a few days for us to settle into our routines and remember each other’s pet likes and dislikes. Catherine’s seems to involve a lot of time just sitting around watching DVDs or reading books which, given that she was on holidays, seemed to be fair enough. In the end, it became quite comforting to come and home to find her like this – maybe because I then had an excuse to just ‘slob’ around too!

Similarly, when travelling to Naples, London and Cadiff it took a while to figure out how our routines would fit together into a day of sightseeing. But then one of the great things about being adults together is recognising that each of us can do our own thing, coming and going as we please without having to tag along together. Still, the thought of my daughter making her own way around in a big city took some getting used to! I just hope that she got the same sense of excitement from wondering around a big city, using the public transport and negotiating it’s various transactions that we always do.

And now she’s gone, and with her leaving I’ve suddenly realised something. There were the years of living together in the same house when our interests, priorities and even language sometimes butted up against each other. And then there have been the years where our contact has mostly been in text or over the phone. A few short weeks together as adults and I realised that I really do enjoy spending time with Catherine as an adult. She can mix humour and sensible conversation, enjoys life at a similar pace to me and we enjoy similar tastes in TV shows, music and comedy (maybe I’ve had a hand in that!). Now I’m looking forward to going home and (hopefully!) making the same discovery with the boys.

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